Years ago, our church youth group went to a rollerskating rink called Scooters. It cost five dollars to get in, but once we were inside all there was to do was skate, play arcade games, and eat three dollar stale nachos from the snack bar. We all dropped our gear in the booths next to the rink, donned our roller blades, and then dash out onto the glazed concrete surface to skate for hours on end. It was an annual tradition, whether on ice, concrete, or linoleum, to skate as a group.
This year, however, was going to be different. For years, I noticed coloured lines all over the floor of the rink. "This is a multi-purpose rink" said one of Scooters' safety skaters, "people use this rink for various events and functions". The idea seemed foreign to me at the time, but as I wheeled around the rink time after time the idea of wheeling around the rink over and over seemed more and more ridiculous.
I love hockey, ever since I was little, and one of my favourite goals was
the Theoren Fleury overtime winner from 1991. The best part about the goal was his celebration afterward: The knee slide. Whenever players skate down the length of the rink to celebrate game winners, I call that celebrating "old-school"; "he did it old-school" was my favourite saying during the 1990s. I dreamed of scoring a goal and celebrating "old-school" just like Theoren Fleury. However, here I was at Scooters with dozens of kids skating around on a linoleum floor just outside of Oakville, Ontario. My friends Geoff, Andrew and Kurtis was out on the rink at the time, and some space opened up in front of me to skate. I looked at them and shouted "Hey, check this out!"
Suddenly, I took a step and within a few seconds I built up a lot of speed! "Gilmour gives a head man pass to Phil Wood" I shouted as I put my arm out like a hockey player receiving a tape-to-tape pass! Once I hit the red line, I cut to break inside towards where the rink managers drew the goal line, and shouted "Phil is on a breakaway for Toronto; he's going in alone on Patrick Roy!" (Sorry Habs fans). I put both my invisible dekes on the air in front of me, and with a flick of the wrists I put the invisible puck into the back of invisible net! "He scores! Wood scores! The Maple Leafs have won the Stanley Cup!" I shouted as loud as could, and lifted my arms into the air in celebration. As I skated past the bewildered patrons standing around, I turned and found Andrew and Kurtis chasing after me as if they won the Stanley Cup, too. I darted past them, found some open space, fell to my knees and slid towards Geoff who stood laughing at us all the way down. I scored the greatest invisible hockey goal anyone ever saw, and I wanted to tell the whole world.
Unfortunately, the story doesn't end on a good note. I always said Isaac Newton had it out for me; whether it involved hockey, basketball, or doing the dishes: The laws of physics never worked for me. As I slid along the linoleum surface, past bewildered onlookers and girls calling me 'crazy' for pulling such a stunt, I noticed the 'end boards', which are made of concrete cement, were approaching faster than I anticipated. "Maybe, I should get up." I thought, but as I tried to regain my balance my skates were enjoying the slide as much as I was. With my feet tucked underneath me in sliding position, my arms extended, and my mouth beaming the widest grin, my nose was first to tell me "Hey, stop fooling around!" However, by the time I could bring my arms back the damage was already done.
Our church youth group still goes to Scooters, but not as regularly as we once did. I skate a little bit, yet now that I'm a sponsor I can't go hog wild like I used to. Whenever some of the kids need a break, we sit and talk and make jokes, and I may show them the interesting things I can do with my nose.
